The Memories are Fading.

"The Turks are coming!!" the circle of ravers yelled as Sephiroth and several Turks approached wielding their guns.  Reno and Rufus walked up pointing the orange tips at the circle, yelling, "Break it up!" 
It had been only moments before that the same circle was surrounded in complete darkness, the only thing noticed was the excited voices of the people in the vicinity.  At the count of three, with onlookers standing by, cameras in hand, the ravers broke their glowsticks, the flash shining bright in the night. Almost instantly, twirling of these fiery lights commenced.  It ensured for awhile, full amusement drawn from these simple glowing lights.  But now the wielding was becoming haphazard and a few guys laugh at another's mistakes.  There's not menace in their voices, but a general taunting, egging on each other as their laughter echoed with the excitement displayed before them. 

And I'm living in my lie,
But its comforting...sometimes.
I see the love, its shining in his eyes,
But for someone else...maybe.
I can't say I love you,
The words are hesitant upon my lips,
For every time I try,
I falter, in my downward spiral.
I can't, his name is still dying on my lips,
Even after all this time.
Baggage is natural, its the way of the world,
Relationship of one sometimes kills my yearnings.
The hardest part I believe,
Is to see his warm brown eyes,
And feel in my heart that he still belongs to her.
You say to me, I care, and you do.
I'll be friendly forever, or what have you may.
Kiss me once, and knock the very breath from me,
and once again, and I still feel your sorrow.
That hope that you'd find me amongst my writings,
Was strong once, it glittered like the hope in my heart.
Its slowly fading into darkness,
as you speak so longingly of her ideas and her vibrance.
She is truly wonderful, isn't she.
But its her that I could never be, opposites in a world of illusions.
Neither will you be free, 'she's in my heart, but she's not my heart.'
Maybe someday.  But I see that echo in your mind, she remains your heart.
There's still only one you see in your future,
And that remains with her, your future and your precious writings.
You were hurt and you moved past,
but you can not love again, not yet.
So, drift along, I'll wait and watch.
Maybe someday, maybe one day,
The feelings I hold so close in my heart,
They might one day be returned.

The Nazi Party was begun by four men: Anton Drexler, Gottfried Feder, Dietrich Eckart and Karl Harrer.  These men were the pinions and revolutionarres with the ideas that became the driving force behind the Nazi party.  It began merely as the German Worker's Party, and turned into a national organization backed by 8.5 million at one point, and led by a man called Adolf Hitler.  That is the external nature of history, we see what the cleverly crafted minds want us to see in order for society in general to either be shielded from some information and swayed by others.  This information is then used to capture our opinions and manipulate us in many different directions.
    The Nazi Party as it staged into the massive organization it did, was said to have become one with the state of Germany and when Germany dissolved, so did the Nazi Party.  This is untrue.  The Nazi Party did not die off, but because of the very organization that permeated throughout the fads and the war, it has managed to thrive and grow in secret.  So, the late and great Hitler, how could he have made such a fatal flaw?  And the Nazi Party that is supposedly so 'secretive', how could they let the governments of the different and new nations get ahold of evidence, and why would they allow someone as flashy as Hitler to take control?  Quite simple in fact, and an ingenious plan that was crafted by the original four, pioneered by Anton Drexler. 
    Let's begin this by stating some general truths admist the clouds of lies and manipulations.  Hitler was a puppet.  And now come the aghast reactions, as the historians who cling so tightly to their 'history' speak volumes about how "Hitler was a clever mastermind, and he was the one who pushed the Nazi Party to such high pinnacles!"  No he wasn't.  Therein lies a simple fact, one that proves how Hitler was not the mastermind that people believe he was.  He pushed for revolution for change.  We all know change happens gradually, and so did the founders of the Nazi party.  In fact, the names that are submitted, are most likely not their own.  True masterminds know that change happens from behind the scenes and over time.  Most can not cope with this.  Anton Drexeler, or so we shall call him, since his real identity is lost to the world, revelled in it. They began an organization under the guise of a "party", and every party needs members to flourish.  However, a party such as the Nazi one, with such in-depth ideas, and plans for the future, does not want nor do they need everyone.  Hiding the true nature behind the organization, they got involved in politics on a minor scale, to give themselves the birth and introduction they needed to spread it beyond a few mere minds.  So, they were introduced, fake names and all, to the German people who were the perfect prey in their weakened state.  Unfortunately the rift of the problem, was that the party was becoming more well known to certain unwanted people, and they needed an escape route.  This was around the time when Adolf Hitler came around.  They knew he was spying on them, sent by intelligence in the military.  So, prey upon his interests, and by doing so, they created a valuable ally.  This was their escape out of the limelight.  How you ask, do they assume to escape limelight by getting a charismatic leader that thrusts them straightforward into it?  Ah, look, you answered yourself.  What better way to avoid the discovery of the actual organization than pioneering the party led by a madman?  The realization that change had to come from beneath the surface was becoming apparently obvious.  So, the plan changed from gathering members to support their real organization to a support of a pseudo-party that was merely a code for the real organization that lurked beneath.  Finding people could be done, they could be hand-picked out of the millions that ended up joining.  As with most societies, you don't want everyone.  Proponent the party and you get those watchful eyes taken off of the insidious secret plannings of the organization.  So Anton Drexel to the world's eyes saw that Hitler was a good leader and Hitler quickly took his place as he faded into the background.  That is merely in the world's eyes.  Hitler, as everyone saw it, was in total control.  He probably believed he was too, he never suspected that his leadership was a fraud and he was merely a figurehead and scapegoat.  Anti-Semetic propaganda did come from the organization by the false name of the Nazi Party.  Why?  They proponented commercialism, and one of the largest enemies in way was the Jewish community, having taken the positions of bankers long ago.  If they could exterminate the Jews, who had a lineage of being good with money and the teachings to follow, it was only a matter of time before they would have complete economic dominance.   Socialism and care for the common worker was never integrated much into their plans, although it was used as a ploy to rope in the hapless middle class.  To be able to gain the invaluable tool of blind masses, that Hitler created, and also the combination of both the lower class and the upper class, domination in all aspects of that field was imminent.  Hitler had his own take off of lighter versions he had overheard of their ideas.  Aryan society, races of perfection.  Sure, whatever, that can be your aim.  As long as you're eliminating the Jews in the process.  So Hitler was given a broad range to work with, since he was insane, but charismatic.  Was he always insane? No, he originally was just charismatic.  But lapsing from sanity to insanity is so much easier when you have master manipulators from the "Nazi Party" doing it.  There were seeds of doubt, and they took hold of it.  By the time he wrote Mein Kampf, they had already infiltrated and abused his mind, to the point where he was theirs and betrayal was not in the cards.  He never realized it though, because it only takes aptly placed doubts.  He thought he was turning it into his cause and everything benefited him.  What a laugh, he was easily manipulated.  Insane genius is a far cry from the truth.  When you learn that what you see is far from the reality, you may begin to understand the underlying principles of the Nazi society that worked so hard to keep everything under wraps for the sake of secrecy.  However, one of the ironic pieces, is the fact that many of their main beliefs are out in the open in visible documents.  This is because beliefs can't be used against you, especially if they have no moral backing.  What needed to be kept secret was the agendas and the vendettas they had.  Besides, beliefs are common, and what better way to hide them than in plain sight?  The 25 Points against the Treaty of Versailles.  On the cover it seems as another piece of Hitler proclaiming and setting forth party ideologies with the help of Anton Drexeler.  Not so.  In fact, it was solely composed by Anton Drexeler with the underlying themes hiding in the lines itself.  Subliminal messaging is an art form that these Germans began to learn better than anyone. 

Is hiding so bad?
When you sink away and pour yourself into something else to escape a reality you fear, maybe.
So why do it?
Its too easy too do, and I find myself falling each day at a time, throwing myself into my work to escape my ineptitude at dealing with people.
Why?
Because I'm scared, because I fear that they weary of the real me. 
Why?
Well, what if they don't accept me, through my tears, obnoxiousness, sentimentality, hyperness and everything that defines who I am.
Why wouldn't they?
Because they are looking for someone else, some other person and not finding it in me.
But if they are talking to you, wouldn't they be speaking to you, not another?
Yes, but who am I really?  I tend to elude my personality at every chance, not taking the moment to define what and who I am.
Why do that?  Why not accept and spread who you are?
I want to through my writing, because of my difficulty through my person.  I always hide, my voice even has no distinction, I tend to pick up things from the people I spend my time with.  I pick up interests from them too.  Why can't I find my own? Or when I do, why can't they be accepted?
Don't question me, I'm just a voice in your head.  I'm supposed to be doing the questioning.
Oh.  Maybe I need a vacation.

I find myself unable to equivocate the feelings inside of me. 
Maybe that faint melody, playing in the background leads me on,
Maybe the soft and gentle beating of my heart when I think of you may as well.
These questions circle, and follow me as I go.
Instead, ignoring it all, I pour myself into my writing.

I'm sitting here naked, staring at a computer screen. Fucked up image, right? The heat is overwhelming, but my insistence in being stubborn and cheap is the cause of this. Its crazy, everything seems so distant as I hide away in my little corner again. Ha, its a defense mechanism, correct? I hide away, I enter into a quiet zone inside my head, culminating when I just sit and contemplate. Today was just not one of those days to socialize with anyone. I really did crack today at work, and while I joke a lot about lapsing in and out of sanity, I sat there and started talking to myself in my quiet little voice. I hate that voice so much. I hear it and I think its silly. Its cutesy its little, its quiet, its everything I don't want to be as I feel the sadistic bastard inside me taunting it, sickened and delighted at the same point by its weak and amusing presence.
Fuck.
I hear their silly yelling. Its kind of funny. I used to probably. I'm more than a little tired of it though. But I grow tired of so much, so damn quickly. It reminds me of his yelling. He looked like he was from the damn abyss when he yelled, I never saw an individual's face darken so much. But then on the other hand there was a sweet side, so I don't know what to place it as. Yelling. Its silly, I cringe and hide at all the loudness. No one is saying anything destructive. But for someone who breeds in hiding away in the corner, or behind whatever wall can possibly constructed, it breaks through. Ugh, emotions that break through.

Read the rest of this entry ... (616 words left)

Why when I stare in the mirror I no longer see myself?
This convoluted image keeps distorting before my very eyes.
The person I believed I was with such strong conviction before,
has passed in another life and again begins anew.
Nothing is staid, nor shall it ever be,
I whisper that sometimes softly.
But today I stare and for once I do not see my eyes staring back.
Instead I see a steady gaze, unchanging, all the while in motion.
Maybe, in that gait, my shred of hope can be picked up off the floor.
Lying battered and hidden by the cynical nature of my own mind,
Maybe it will be picked up, dusted off.
Those shining eyes, reflect the hope I felt in my heart.

Whirling, twirling in your vivid confusion,
as the rays glow down in melting dissolution. 
Soft strains of that melody empty into a sea of restitution,
As I lapse again into the tendrils of temptation.

Chapter Two


    The three sisters could see the town’s soft glow ahead with the onset of night.  The sun was setting and darkness began to cascade over the land.  The velvet of night that overtook the land always intrigued her, the soft lights of the town like the gentle glow of the fireflies in the summer night sky.   Ariaka approached, but slowed her pace to look at the scene before her as she entered the town.  Before she even reached the town, the orange glow that came from it was heartwarming, as it was reminiscent to a hearth in the home.  The firelight flickered from the many lamps and torches the village people carried as they crowded around several men who seemed to form the center of the gathering.  Ariaka could barely see them, and all around was a tumult of whispered voices which rose in unison, as everyone stated their opinion and questions about the arrivals.  She saw many she recognized, but did not see Aiden in the crowd, although her mind was more or less focused on the people who were from Erainn.  The center of attention was directed towards the three men in the middle, as best as Ariaka could count.  Her focus on them, her sisters alongside her quickly drifted from her mind as she concentrated on getting a better vantage point to hear what the newcomers had to say.  She used her small size to her advantage as she began to weave her way through the crowd.  After many jostled elbows, and squeezing between too many overly large stomachs, she finally was getting close enough to hear bits of the conversation.  Ariaka strained to discern what was being said between the people from the mainland and the head of the town, Den McFadden.  

    “The kingdom of Erainn…
…aid and assistance….
….we could work……
…..that proposal may or may not…..”
Ariaka could see a dark haired and bearded man speaking to Den McFadden.  As she was straining to hear, a stout woman turned around, her hip bumping Ariaka in the side.  Ariaka lost her balance, slipped and with a yelp went crashing down to the ground.  A hand reached out and grabbed her arm, just seconds before she tumbled face first into the ground.  She felt herself being pulled up steadily, as she looked up into the face of the person who helped her.  She met a pair of entrancing brown eyes, as she gazed up at him, a dumbfounded look upon her face.  He had longish brown hair which raggedly framed his face, and his eyes enraptured her, as they were surprisingly clear, and reflected someone who does not live with regrets.  Regrets consumed her constantly, so this was something she valued in people, and aspired to simulate.  Her lips moved as she continued to blatantly stare, but she could not muster the words to say anything, as she stood there feeling like an awkward idiot.  
“That was close.” a laugh escaped his lips as his smile reached his eyes.  Ariaka straightened up, his hand still around her wrist.  She stood there, feeling more self conscious than she ever had, her other hand reaching up to tug at a strand of her chestnut colored hair.  Her blue eyes looked earnestly up at him as her mind numbed, confused at how to respond to the situation.  She remained silent, and as he caught her intense gaze, he looked to the side and realized he still had a firm grasp onto her wrist.  A light blush stained his cheeks as he let go, mumbling words of apology.
“Don’t be.  Thank you for helping me.” Ariaka throatily managed to get out, speaking slowly as she forced herself to speak. At this, he brightened up, as he looked into her eyes again.
“My name is Deuran Firrinagh.” He stared at her with those intense brown eyes that seemed to examine her soul, causing Ariaka to shiver.  
“My name is Ariaka Suthainn, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”  She noticed him fidget with a pendant on his neck, as he looked away abashedly. She began to relax as she realized how nervous he was as well.  The awkwardness and tension between them visibly melted as they matched each other’s sheepish grins.  Ariaka snapped out of the surreal atmosphere of the moment to realize that she was now standing in the center, next to the mainlanders.  She counted two of the men she had noticed before, but she could not distinguish a third one that she had counted earlier.  She felt a sinking feeling in her chest as she looked at Deuran and began to piece things together.
“Ah…you wouldn’t happen to be…” she trailed off hesitantly.
    Deuran followed her confused gaze as she looked between him and his companions, as realization dawned on him.  He began to laugh heartily, his rich laugh echoing as Ariaka looked up at him earnestly, her blue eyes sincere as they caught his twinkling brown ones.
“One of the mainlanders?  Yes, I admit, I’m one of these motley and rugged ruffians.  That doesn’t bother you, does it?  They’re good folk, albeit a bit scraggly.”  Ariaka’s nervousness returned along with the surprise she felt, as she shyly clasped her hands together and focused on nudging around a stone with her foot.  Deuran’s hand touched her arm, causing her to shiver as she automatically looked up into his face.
“Please, talk with me still,” he cajoled. “You were beginning to relax and now you’re tensing up again.” He spoke softly, as another shiver ran down her spine.
“You say I was nervous, you were about as calm as a jittery colt.” Ariaka commented sarcastically. He had to bite back a smirk in response to the comment, mildly surprised at her sauciness.  The bearded man looked over at Deuran as he shouted towards him.
“Oi, Deuran, it takes you to five minutes to find yourself a pretty lady!  Why don’t you share your luck with the rest of us!”  His toothy jeer wasn’t malicious, but it was raunchy and suggestive enough as his attention was focused their way.  This brought a vibrant blush to both Deuran and Ariaka’s cheeks as the awkwardness between the two of them returned vividly. Suddenly there were quite a few more eyes on than as they fidgeted uncomfortably.  Ariaka thought of Aiden and began to protest the statement the bearded man made, but her small voice couldn’t be heard over the crowd’s chatter.

    Deuran cocked his eyebrow at her and gave her a quizzical look.  
“Want to escape the crowd?”   Before she could say anything, he scooped her up in his arms and swiftly hustled through the crowd to reach the outskirts of the woods.  Ariaka’s wriggling and protestations went unheard as Deuran blissfully ignored them, smiling a toothy grin.  Wisps of his hair took a silver sheen in the moonlight, as they gently bounced off of his forehead as they kept moving forwards towards the solitude of the trees.  Ariaka looked down at her chest self consciously, her fair skin luminous in the moonlight.  She concentrated on her rough brown shirt that wrapped securely around her upper torso, emphasizing her assets.  She absently tugged on the hem of the worn and slightly ragged shirt as her mind drifted.  She chanced a look up at him, his brown hair ragged over his eyes, and his arms underneath her, lithe and strong.  As they reached a clearing, Deuran dumped her unceremoniously on the ground, which jolted her out of her deep thought and observation.  She let out a loud yelp in surprise as her bottom collided with the solid ground.  
“What was that for?” she angrily verbalized.
“We escaped the crowd, and lots of embarrassment as well.”  Deuran grinned as he perched down to her level, where she sat sprawled on the ground.
“We escaped them, but believe me, I’ll be hearing this for awhile.  I’m not quite unscathed from the embarrassment.  They already don’t like me and would jump for an opportunity to make me miserable or insult me.”  Ariaka muttered, placing several fingers to rest on her throbbing temple.  She realized how condemning that sounded after she had spoken, as if she was blaming him for the situation.  Before he could speak, she interjected.
“Although, it isn’t your fault.  If they did not have anything to torture me about, they would make something up.”  she reassured.  Deuran spoke up, concern echoing in his voice.
“Who are ‘they’ that you speak of?” he questioned.
“’They’ are the inhabitants of this village.  The humans I’m stuck with on this accursed island.”
“You don’t like it here?” Deuran pressed.
“Are you serious?  I would love to leave this place; voyage to the mainland and make something of my life.  I have a desperate fear of remaining here and squander away my life with the mundane. On the main land I could at least have a new beginning, a place where everyone does not know my history, exactly who my parents are and have preset prejudices from when I was young.  Instead, I’m going to waste my years here, wife of a council member, held in high esteem to my face, but looked down on and despised behind my back.  I get to watch their porcelain masks, as they keep up their act of concern, in the meanwhile not giving a whit about me.  I won’t be able to respect myself either, since I’d have given up on my dreams.”  Ariaka finished, a sigh slipping from her throat.  Deuran watched her thoughtfully before responding, giving himself time to process her words.  
    “The mainland is exciting, but I just want peace now.  As for making something of your life, you’ll be tossed into a maelstrom of battles.  Yes, we need aide, from anyone we can get, but normally women do not venture to battle.  We’ve fought so hard and long, and so frequently.  If we all stopped for a moment to actually think about why we were fighting, no one would be able to come up with a point or a reason.  I wish I could just escape the world, maybe go into hermitage, hide from everyone.  Its people like the townsfolk you speak of that makes me want to find a solitary life in nature.” Ariaka felt an inner warmth well up inside of her with the sense of understanding that accompanied his words.
    “Logic says it’s a bad idea, but I want to escape.  I’m supposedly marrying the love of my life in several moons.  But this bride to be is filled with doubts, confusion and feeling more confined than ever.  I just want to be free, and be in love with a person who can let me feel that freedom.  That is what the crowd will jump on.  Aiden will hear the rumors before I can even speak to him, and he will get upset.  We fight all the time, and it makes me miserable to upset him, or to see him get angry at me.”  She continued to rub her temples, her head hurting more, just imagining the scene awaiting.
    “I don’t want to speak to sway your opinions, but you don’t sound truly happy.  When you’re in love, aren’t you supposed to fully trust them?  You are making it sound like a death sentence, instead of a celebration of the love that the two of you share.”  He paused to think, took a breath and continued.
“I don’t know either of you, but from what you have said, this is my observation.”  Ariaka felt herself speaking before she could even control is, as she began to pour out her heart to this man she barely knew.  
    “But that’s the problem.  I loved him, but he’s so concerned with impressing everyone that he can’t see that it bothers me.  I hate it so much, and my doubts are killing me.  I want to be sure, I wish that I could definitely say he is the man I am dreaming of.  But every time I reach into my heart, I’m frightened away by the fact that I may find the truth, that we do not share the same soul that I wished for in my lover.  I want understanding from my soul mate, and that is the person I want to be with eternally.  But I can’t say for sure that he is my soul mate, and I think that bothers me the most.  I’m just a selfish and demanding girl I suppose, who can’t make up her mind if it killed her.”  She felt a pang in her chest as she complained.  She was feeling guilty, but a hollowness began to spread as she realized that what she was saying was honestly how she felt.  
    “I wouldn’t call you selfish.  What you are saying is that you are chasing after your dreams, and that is something that is admirable.   The day I give up on my dreams is the day I will die, and even then I’m not sure.  I do know this, I will follow them until the end.  I had a fiancee, not so long ago, she was a wonderful woman.  I loved her dearly and swore that our love would not extinguish, and was determined to wed her.  We led a merry chase, there was so much passion, but it burnt me out so badly when it was over.  She left me when I went off to fight in battle, as she did not have the inner strength to wait for me.  It’s a shame, but I still care for her, and although we may not be together, I do wish for her happiness.  I suppose I could lapse towards cynicism, and give up on finding someone to truly love.  But I believe that my soul mate is out there.  So your dreams aren’t just yours alone, many are searching for that person.  I believe we’ll all find them in time, no matter how many lives we have to live to see their face.  But I do not want to be held responsible for corrupting the innocent with my odd views.  Do what will make you happy, that is the only advice I have to offer you.  If you truly do wish to come to the mainland, we set sail in several moons.”  Ariaka’s eyes widened at his comment, the exact words of her sister echoing through her mind.
“Here a complete stranger can detail so well what I feel in my heart.  How do you manage?  Most people can not understand me at my simplest, and here we are at my most complex.”
Deuran shrugged, locks of ragged hair drifting over his eyes again as he shook them away.  
“I am not quite sure myself.  Maybe there is the possibility it is because we think similarly.”  
“Well, thank you.” Ariaka mumbled, as her finger idly traced patterns into the loose dirt on the ground.
“Thank me for what?  For listening?  Please, I couldn’t help it if I wanted to.”  his crooked smile caused Ariaka’s heart to ache, reaching out towards a man who actually understood her.  
    “Well either way, I need to make a decision.  I hate sitting here waiting for my fate like a death knoll.   Its about time I took control of my life and made my own decisions.  And while you will not accept my gratitude for listening to me-”
“Ah, not true.  I never said I didn’t accept it, it is just not something I control.” he snickered.
“Stop playing games with my words.” Ariaka stubbornly said, pursing her lips.
“Anyway.  I truly appreciate the fact that you sat here with me, although we barely knew each other, and helped me sort my emotions out.  I have some sorting out I need to do on my own, and I believe there is one more thing I need to do before I make any sort of decision.  I believe I need to see Aiden again, and truly question my heart.  The fear is still there, but I think I may have the courage to see where it will go.” she continued to trace patterns in the dirt, jabbing the ground resolutely.  
“Well, Ariaka Suthainn, if your aim is truly to leave this place, I believe I can find a space for you on the ship, and we are at war and in need of people.  If you want to experience battle, your opportunity has arrived.  Although personally, I think you’re crazy, but maybe you will see my view after having the experience.”
“Maybe.” Ariaka murmured, listening intently to his words.  For a bit, silence reigned as both were deep in thought.  The small grove was surrounded by trees, but there was a small section that was sparingly covered with grass, and loose dust.  The moonbeams trickled in through the filter of the trees, highlighting the tiny leaves on the trees like deadly razors, they glinted in the glamour of the night.  The wind was sparse, but a few stray breezes flowed their way through the thick summer night.  Finally, Deuran broke the silence.
“We leave in several moons.  We are departing for the mainland.  From what I gather, that is when you are to be wed, and while I do not want to disrupt it, my offer will stand.  I will come to this grove under the full moon, and sleep here.  If by morning time you are not here, I will wish you the best in your marriage and hope for your eternal happiness.  Then I shall sail back to the mainland, and we shall each live our separate lives.” he finished his offer, his tone serious.  Ariaka tried to discern any hint of falsehood or trickery in his voice, or in his face.  Deuran’s face was clear however, his eyes bright and free from the masks that plagued so many people.  
    “Are you trying to see if I’m telling the truth?” this caused Ariaka to jump in surprise.
“Woman, I could easily lie to you, but I’m not.  Granted, there is no way I can prove this, but I will be here, as I said, at the full moon.  It is your choice to believe that maybe fate has dealt another hand.”
“I know.  I would like to have faith in people again, but in my mind cynicism tends to reign.  The fear of getting hurt controls too much of my emotions, and keeps me from acting upon things.   If Aiden had never said anything to me, we would not be betrothed, as I would have doubted things until the end.  I wish it would all go away.  All the doubts and the fears, I just want to live a life without my jaded cynicism, and with that hope that I so admire in humans.”  Ariaka’s voice hardened, as she awaited a response from Deuran.
“Hope is a difficult commodity to come by, in any age.  While there are good things, there are also the bad.  When it gets so bad that you can not bear it any more, when you have seen so many wars and you are at the absolute bottom you may find it.  It’s a reward for surviving this long, you gain a seed of hope.  If not for that, we would all be dead years before, having given up on life.  Its precious, but you earn it as you live.  The cynicism may never leave, but hopefully that gift will be unlocked from where it hides in your heart.”  Again, his words caused a stirring in her chest, affecting her deeply.
“I believe I understand what you’re talking about.  I can almost grasp the memory of the faith and hope I once had, but if I forsake my dreams, I know it will be gone forever, and I can feel it slowly slipping from my grasp.”
“My offer still remains.  There is the possibility to follow your dreams, if you take the chance and follow me.”
Ariaka didn’t respond, still unsure of the path she would take.  There was a decision already made within her heart, but she did not want to delve into that yet.  She had to consult her mind first, also known as Aerenth, before she made a decision.  While her heart always said one thing, it had also led her astray before.  Her head had to be consulted, lest her heart speak for her again, and she enter into an arrangement which could destroy her, in either situation.
“I must leave now, and stay with my crewmates for the night.  I hope to see you again, but if not, I do wish you the best.” Deuran stood up, as he brushed the loose dirt from his loose black pants.  He threw a wave in her direction, as he gave her a reassuring smile.  He stalked off into the direction of the noise and bustle, his figure a lean shadow in the night.  
“Deuran Firrinagh, you’re an odd but unique man!” Ariaka suddenly called to him on impulse.  She was rewarded with a hearty laugh as he tossed his hair out of his face, his silhouette blending into the night.  Ariaka sat there for awhile, just contemplating her thoughts and basking in the current of emotion left from the event that had just occurred.  
    A rustling noise came from the bushes to her right.  She looked up to see Aiden as he emerged from the foliage.  Her heart continued to ache, as her voice caught in her throat, unable to say what was on her mind.  Aiden looked at her, his eyes wide, and his hair tangled.
“Ariaka, where were you?” he said, a little bit out of breath and seeming frantic.
“I’ve been here, Aiden, there is nothing to worry about.  Is everything okay?” He turned to her, and the blood left her face as she could almost feel the hurt and worry and anger emanate from him.  
“No.  Its not okay.  I’m not by your side for one day and I hear rumors that you went off into the woods with a complete stranger.”  Ariaka’s headache worsened, as she realized what she had to deal with due to the vicious rumors.
“Aiden, I went off to talk to him.  He was one of the mainlanders, it was interesting.  Nothing happened, so tell your imagination to stop taking hold.” she calmly retorted.
“Oh.” he calmed down, and scratched his head.
“So, are you ready for the wedding?  Its coming up soon.”
“Hey Aiden?”
“Yes, love?”  Ariaka paused before she spoke again, the weight carried on this question tremendous.
“Let’s leave the island.  We’ll go fight in the war on the main land.  You know its been my dream forever to leave, to go and fight in one of the battles. The opportunity has finally arrived, let‘s seize it.” Ariaka spoke, the earnest passion in her voice unrestrained.
“Love, you need to face reality and stop following those childish whims of yours.  Accept some responsibility for once in your life, it is about time you grew up.  There is no way that it would be acceptable.  You of all people are not going into battle, you’re inexperienced, you know nothing about that reality.  I won’t let you go there, it’s a bad idea, and you know it, your illusions are just clouding the answer.”  Ariaka’s face visibly fell.  It was as she had feared, he would never let her embrace that dream.  The hope she had, that Aiden would go with her and they would leave together was shattered in his single comment.  
“My dreams may not be rational, I may be delusional.   I might be crazy and we don’t know.  But they are something I regard as precious, and if you ask me to forsake them, you are leaving me half a person.” Aiden frowned, as if trying to understand her.  However the recognition never dawned in his face, and he continued to look puzzled as he spoke up again.
“What happened to you?  You used to be so much easier to get along with.  There’s a point called becoming an adult and not being an immature child about everything.  You’ve got sense, use it, stop being ridiculous.” his voice had a harsh edge to it, as he nearly spat the words out, each one bearing a venomous sting.  Ariaka felt her heart shatter again, as she began to crumble.  
“You dream of things that you play talk about as children.  Accept reality for once.” he said bitingly.  Suddenly, Ariaka recalled Deuran’s words, earlier that evening.  

“The day I give up on my dreams is the day I will die, and even then I’m not sure.  I do know this, I will follow them until the end.”

The inner conviction she had felt from that impacted her.  As she processed what Aiden had said, something within her snapped.  Deuran’s words filled her with strength, and she finally did what she could not bring herself to do for years: examine her heart.  
    Aiden stood there still yelling, now upset that Ariaka was staring at him blankly and not responding, not even reacting with tears.  Ariaka was going through an epiphany.  For as she looked inside her heart, finally at long last, she found the answer she was looking for.  
“I’m young, and I have a life to live.” she murmured quietly.  Aiden stopped his rant as he saw her lips move.
“What did you say?” he glared at her.  Ariaka stood up and looked him squarely in the eye.  He blinked in surprise, as he could see a confidence in her stance that was not ever evident before.
“I said, I am young, and I have a life ahead of me.”  she continued, her voice enunciating every word as she spoke clearly and brazenly.  
“Aiden.  I’m sorry.” she began, apologizing.  This caused him to spit on the ground.
“Don’t apologize to me, that’s all you ever do.”
“No.  It isn’t.  All the times I have in the past, I was sorry for myself for not speaking up.  For what I am about to say, I should apologize.  And that is it, you will not hear it again.  It is about time I squared up with myself, and stopped hiding behind my petty fears.”
“Ariaka, you’re crazy, stop with your rambling, let’s just call it a night.” he sighed.  She looked at him, anger blazing in her eyes.
    
    “We will talk about this.  Now.  There is no questioning in that.  If you are tired of standing, sit, we will be here for a long time.”  Aiden was about to speak, but thought better of it, and sat down.
“I have been unfair, for it has been quite some time now since I was in love with you.  Aiden, people change, we both have.  Sometimes the changes bring them closer together, and other times, it causes them to drift.  Sometimes we also realize things about a person that we never understood.  I believe I understand it now, Aiden we are not meant to be together.  We know each other, yes, but with you, my soul does not connect.  I do not have the intense knowledge that I love you, and it will be eternal, and that is what I want.  Call me selfish, I am.  Call me a dreamer, delusional, I am.  I will openly and gladly admit and embrace all of those names. I was a coward, and I believed that if I did examine my heart I would realize that you were not the one I was destined to be with.  I finally realize that.  Before I did not think I could manage on my own, but now I realize that I would rather die than be tied down to this island, forsaking my dreams.” Aiden sat there, in utter shock, as it looked as if his world was falling down around him.  Ariaka’s heart broke there, as she could feel the pain emanating from him, and she felt the tears well up in her eyes. 

    “Aiden, you deserve to be with someone who will wholly love you.  I’m too selfish for that right now, and I would not be able to give you the partner you are looking for in marriage.”   A solitary tear rolled down his face as he turned away.  Ariaka’s face softened as she spoke softly, her voice wavering slightly.
“You are an amazing man, and I do love you.  But I can not rightfully say that you are the one I am destined to be with.  Our marriage would be wrong, and I release you from it, this day forward.”  With that statement, Ariaka reached around her neck to grasp the pendant that hung there.  She pulled it over her head, and it lay curled in her palm.  She trembled as she willed her feet to walk over to Aiden, the memories with him flashing through her mind as she stared at the pitiful piece of metal in her palm. 
“With this, I release you.”  she grasped his hand and pressed the pendant on his palm, closing his fingers over it.  With that, her will broke and tears poured from her eyes.    Aiden had been in a stupor until then, and finally he spoke up, his voice shaking.

    “Ariaka, I’ll wait for you.  Maybe its just not right now, but it may be in a few years.  You said you’re too selfish right now, well move on for now, maybe we’ll find each other again.” Ariaka could see him resolutely hold onto that hope, which caused her even more pain.
“Aiden.  Do not wait for me.  Yes, I can not say anything about the future, but there is nothing to change, nothing to be fixed.  Our souls have met, and they are not intertwined, it is something we can accept, and move on.  No, we shall not meet again.  You were my first love, and you will always have that place in my heart, but I am going to leave to find the truth and dreams that I am searching for.  You will be happy, don’t worry, I will leave you with that blessing.” Ariaka sat down, unable to support herself any more at seeing him shaken.  She reached down, a bit scared of sudden anger, but wrapped her arms around him in an embrace.
“This will be our farewell.” she spoke softly.
“You may see me in the town the next few days, but this is our farewell to the love that we shared.”  Aiden looked at her, incomprehension still evident in his face, the understanding they never had, still not there.  He looked as if he wanted to speak, but the words would not come from his mouth.  She thought bitterly, ironically the man who could speak at all times was rendered speechless.  Her motives would be misunderstood, she knew.  She could see it in his eyes as he tried to come up with reasons for her behavior. 
“Aiden, this is not because of my encounter tonight.  I realized it tonight, yes, but I also talked with Aerenth as well.  It was in my heart all along, I just never touched it until this day. I thank you for the love that you gave me and I am grateful for the times we had.  But it is over now, and I am leaving.  I do not regret any of it, but at the same point, I can no longer be tied down by this.”  Aiden remained silent, still in thought, the hurt and pain etched on the creases in his face.
“I suppose its about time to cut the apple tree down.  I got bored of that thing a long time ago.” Aiden muttered, his eyes dull, hiding his emotions.  Ariaka winced, his remark cutting deep into her heart.
“You don’t need to cut it down.  It was a wonderful thing, we promised it would grow.  We grew, and maybe our love did not grow along with it in the same way we planned.  But our ability to love grew in leaps and bounds just from knowing each other, and experiencing each other as we did.”
“I took something irreplaceable, how do you expect to find a man after that?  They usually want women who haven’t been touched.” A biting and harsh smile on his face. Again Ariaka felt her heart throb in pain at what he was saying.  But she composed herself, her determination the sole thing willing her onward to speak.
“I may not.  I never claimed I would find my soul mate in this lifetime, maybe I will, but that is not why I’m leaving, and we both know this.  I am leaving to follow my dreams.  At least if I am in pursuit of my goals, and of my soul mate I will feel fulfilled instead of a futile life as a common wife.” Aiden, still filled with pain and despair and the realization that she had made up her mind, stood up.
“Well Ariaka, I suppose it is our farewell.” his eyes darkened as he began to walk away.
“Thank you.” she murmured as he walked away, unable to speak louder any more.  Once he was out of sight, Ariaka collapsed and began to weep piteously, finally letting down her veil of strength.  She lay there well into the night, the tears pouring freely from her face.  It had to be done, she had to end it, however, knowing that and doing it were two entirely different things. 
















 

Chapter 3

    The streams of sunlight that trickled in from the window caused Ariaka to scrunch her eyes in pain, wincing as they stung her sensitive eyes.  Her eyes were still swollen from all the tears she had shed the prior night.  It seemed as if she had wept for an eternity, yet she could barely recall most of it after she had broken down.  The one instance that was still vivid in her mind was when she first lost control when Aiden walked away as her steel resolve broke.  It swelled like an ocean tide, and now she was in the numbing aftermath, still stinging from the quick events that culminated into the climax the night before.  She could still feel the hurt, as well as miserable and unwanted emotions that welled up inside of her.  However there was one emotion that offset all of the terrible ones.  She felt a sense of freedom which was the inertia she rode upon, and what she would draw her courage from to continue onward.  She had finally done it, she was free to be her own person once more.  It was terrible she felt that way in regards to the relationship, but pieces of her had begun to die when she was in it.  Her relationship with Aiden had gotten to the point where she was acting out of habit rather than love.  The times they shared she would treasure for the rest of her time, but she could feel it deep down in the recesses of her soul, that Aiden was not the man she was destined to be with.  As much as she wished she could be simple like that, if she was to be true to her soul, it was not to be.  Aiden was a good man, but not her soul mate, and she would spend her days in search of the man who would be eternally.  
    Now the main problem was the choice to tell her family about the end of the marriage or not before she left.  If they found out, her conscience would be at ease, as she would have a chance to explain things as best she could whether or not they agreed with her decision.  But with the knowledge would come pain and ridicule as she would bring upon a bad name to the family.  They could not know about it until she left, and she would have to depart in secret.  There was only one person she planned to tell about everything, which was Aerenth.  She would keep her secret and would also be the one person to understand her motives.  Aiden would probably break the news to his family at once.  She groaned at the thought of the encounter that was to come, and all of the negative feelings.  It would have been much easier and less awkward to just leave now, and not worry about telling people things or concerning herself with explanations.  She had to wait though, as she had promised to meet Deuran at the grave if she decided to go with him.  Ariaka sighed in frustration.  No, this had to be done, she had already taken the steps to be a disgrace to the family, but she would also be gone so she could no longer cause more harm to their name.  
    First she needed to find Aiden, and if possible keep him from spreading the news before she left, the last thing she needed was to be stopped by anyone, especially people inserting their opinions where they didn’t belong.  Her mind raced through the spots he might be in, but she kept drawing a blank.  She walked outside and sat down on the ground where she idly began to paw at the loose dirt and stones.  
“The apple tree!” she exclaimed with surprise, as the image jumped into her head.  She immediately launched into action, racing past the butcher’s shop and turned the corner into the forest.  She slowed down, and walked forwards, scanning the ground for signs of a trail.  As she walked through these familiar woods, she reverted to her childhood memories.  The trail seemed to emerge from beneath the leaves and debris that littered the ground.  She took hesitant and paced steps while walking down the trail, the vividness of her memories overwhelming.  
    “Ari, come this way! Look, we can follow it!” Aiden called out, his bright and youthful eyes gleaming in excitement.  Ariaka looked up from where she was digging through the dirt for shiny rocks and small treasures.  There were dirt smudges on her face as she intently was working away at her small hole.    
“What are you talking about?”  
“Just come over here, hurry!” he called again.  She sighed as she got up and shook the dirt from her hands.
“I’m co-oming.” she exasperatedly responded.  She saw Aiden’s figure as he walked through the brushes ahead of her.  
“Hey, wait for me, where are you heading?” she called to him as she hurried to catch up.
“Follow me, I found a trail.” She rain up behind him, and they continued down the path together, Aiden leading and Ariaka following him through the woods.  They stopped as the path cleared out to a small circular patch filled with dirt.  There were trees around it, but all that grew in the space between were small tufts of grass.  They had found their secret spot, and many an adventure had taken place there.  
    Another memory played through Ariaka’s mind, this one slightly more recent.  Ariaka and Aiden sat in their small clearing at night, nestled next to each other.  Ariaka was caught up in her thoughts as usual, and Aiden was idly chatting to her.  She snapped back into the conversation on occasion, but an idea came to her all of a sudden.  She turned to him, an excited look on her face.
“Aiden, let’s plant a tree here!” she exclaimed, facing him.
“A tree? Why?”  he asked.
“It’ll symbolize our love, and will grow through time.  It will be just like the feelings we have for each other.”
“Huh.  That’s kind of silly.”  he mumbled, slightly pondering what she was saying.
“Oh come on, humor me.” Ariaka cajoled, while pouting.
“Well okay, what kind of tree will we plant?” he asked, disbelief that he was actually going along with this random idea painted on his face.  
“An apple tree.” Ariaka declared stolidly.  
“Why an apple tree? Why not a peach tree?”
“Because I like apples.”
“Well, I like peaches.  So why not a peach tree?”
“I was the one who came up with the idea to plant a tree in the first place.  Therefore it shall be apples.”
“Oh.  I guess you have a point.’
“Yep.” she said, smiling at him. He grew somber and serious for a moment and looked at her as he leaned in to follow through with a kiss.  
“Ariaka I love you…”
    At this point, Ariaka snapped back into reality, unwilling to delve any further back into her memories.  
“We had good times, ones that I will never forget.  But it is not to be.  I can not love him as I once did, as much as I wish or try to.” Ariaka murmured to herself as she reached the clearing where the small apple tree grew.  She looked at the clearing and stood there in shock, as she saw the fragile limbs and trunk uprooted from the ground.  Aiden crouched next to it staring dully at the ground.  
    At the sound of her gasp, he looked up, not entirely surprised it was her.  They were the only two people to know about this place, so there was only one other than himself that it could be.  
“Aiden…” she trailed off, unable to speak coherently.  
“Ariaka, you’ve made your decision, and I can not stop you.  The love that we thought would continue to grow is gone.  I’m not going to sit and cherish some tree representing something that does not exist.”
“If you won’t, then I will.” she spoke calmly while attempting to hold herself together.
“Aiden, we were not right together.  I could not feel it deep down in my core, and therefore I would have been a doubtful, jealous, and insecure wife.  You deserve someone who can love you with their entire being.  The times we had were not in vain.  I will cherish them with the very depths of my being.  You will always be someone I care about, but our fate was to be separate.”  She saw him soften for a moment, but hurt and misunderstanding clouded his expressions again as he dwelled on what she said.  Ariaka sat down on the ground and began to dig a deeper hole where the tree was uprooted.  Dirt and pebbles flew haphazardly as Ariaka scrabbled away, focusing wholeheartedly on the task to keep the tears from flowing.  They stung her eyes as dirt flew past, but Ariaka tried to dull her emotions to keep from letting the floodgates open.  
    Aiden stood by and just watched, unable to will himself to move.  She finally stopped, her chest heaving as she was panting for breath.  Ariaka picked up the small tree and gently placed it down into the hole, like a mother placing a newborn into a crib.  She began to cover it with dirt, her motions less frenetic like before, and more deliberate and calm.  She somberly glanced up at Aiden who still had hardened look on his face.  
“I think you were right in uprooting it.  While I think differently on the situation, it is because it is I who is leaving you.  I must take that into consideration.”
“What, that you are so consumed with yourself that you can’t see a good thing when it hits you in the face?  Or is it the fact that you seem to have a sick intent on ruining my life?”  Ariaka smiled sadly, hurt by his bitter tone, but accepting of it.
“I am being selfish.  I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you, and I don’t know if you will ever understand that.  If you need to hate me, do.  Its okay if you scorn the times we shared.  I’m leaving, and while I will cherish the memories, you are left with the bitter image of me being a self centered and irresponsible child.” As she spoke, the actual reason she had gone there dawned on her mind while talking to him.  
    “Aiden.  It kills me to even ask you this, and if you refuse, I will wholly understand.  I’m leaving, I will never be back here.  But I beg of you, tell no one of my departure until after I leave.  Make it seem as if the bride has gone missing, you can make up whatever stories you would like then.  Make my name as black as the hurt I have done in leaving you.  I do not want my family to know before I have left for several reasons.  I highly doubt they will stop me.  I have not committed adultery, but there is no doubt in my mind that people will pervert it to that.  Then I’ll be stoned or hanged, so be it.  But if they do not know, there will not be the possibility of them being drawn into the rumors or ridiculed if they make the choice to stand by me.  I do not want that for them.”
    “Ariaka, you are making the biggest fool out of me by pursing some selfish whim, and now you’re asking me to spare you the humiliation of dealing with your family?  My betrothed is running out on me, how would that make me look?” Ariaka’s temper flared inside her, but somehow she managed to keep an outer calm.
“Aiden, I would gladly deal with my family.  If death be what I face, albeit unfairly and unreasonably, I will face it.  If that is truly what you feel I deserve, then do not heed my request, and punish me as you see fit.  As to your situation, you will be fine.  I’m the heathen who shall be tortured for my manipulative and evil ways.  And yes, I would deserve the punishment, and then some for hurting you.  But I believe in the future and live with the hope that you will find a better wife and love.  I also believe in the good that resides in you, and even though you are hurting and in pain, understand that you are a good man at heart.”  Ariaka got down on her knees, her head hung.  
“Aiden, I beg of you.  Tell no one.”  A sad look passed over his eyes, tinged with compassion.
“Fine Ariaka. I will not tell anyone.”
“I am greatly in your debt.” she said gravely, her cold blue eyes emphasizing the seriousness of her words.  
“Thank you Aiden, you are a good man.”  
    With a respectful nod in his direction, Ariaka stood up from where she had perched over the mound covering the apple tree.  She wiped her hands on her skirt, leaving dirt trails.  Her chestnut locks were disheveled as they lay messily over her head.  Somehow, despite the messy state she was in, Ariaka managed to look dignified.  Her features were hardened as she struggled to keep from breaking down.  Ariaka then proceeded to walk away from him, down the trail away from the memories.  Tears clouded Aiden’s vision, created a blurry haze, as the wind picked up a few stray leaves in her wake.
    Ariaka walked slowly, each pace taking effort as she could feel the swishing motion of her blue and dirt-stained skirt around her ankles.  She clasped her porcelain hands together gently as she attempted to find some focus of comfort.  She walked home to find Aerenth sitting and sewing in front of the hut.  
“So.  Rumor says you’ve been cheating on Aiden with some man you’ve just met, because you’re a cheap and wanton woman.”  
“Rumor has almost never been right, and you can tell Rumor to go shove a spear through his pelvis.”
“Ouch, that’s a mite harsh.” Aerenth said, grinning wryly at her bitter response.  
“Not nearly as cruel as the fate I’d have if Rumor got a hold of my latest news.” Aerenth looked at her, her eyebrow arched as she scaled Ariaka up and down.
“Wait, don’t tell me.” Aerenth said, holding a hand to cover Ariaka’s mouth as she continued to think.  
“Oh. You broke it off with Aiden, didn’t you.” Aerenth said sadly, taking her hand off of Ariaka’s mouth.  She was mildly surprised at her intuition.
    “How did you figure?” Aerenth laughed as she continued.
“Your eyes are so puffy they may explode, obviously from tears.  Your hair is a tangled mess, and you have a fragile and miserable look on your face.  Not to mention your eyes are still watering.  So that leaves it to one of two things.  Either Aiden was making you cry, or you made the both of you cry by leaving him.” she paused for a moment as the gravity of the event sank in.
“Ari, what are you going to do? You know what will happen when people get wind of this…”
“Yeah.  I’ll be damned and dead sooner than a fish over fire.” Ariaka spat.
“So…” Aerenth trailed off, waiting for Ariaka to detail her plan.  Despite the chances and whims she followed, Ariaka was a thinker and would have a plan to back them up.
“I’m leaving for the mainland, tonight.” Ariaka said seriously.
“The man I supposedly had wanton affairs with several moons ago offered me an opportunity.  He said I could sail with them to the mainland and partake in the occurrences there.”
“Like the war.” Aerenth broke in.
“Ariaka, fighting in battle is not as glorious as you believe it is.  it’s a terrible waste of life, and a horrifying ground of death left in the aftermath.”
“How will I know unless I try?  I plan to discover what it is like, so my experiences will lead me and shape me into the person I will become.  I’d like to have a purpose in my life somehow, and my ideals will not be disturbed until I actually see the reality.”
“I would say that you could have had a nice purpose in life; being a wife and a mother.  But I don’t particularly enjoy being laughed at in my face.  So, I believe you are correct in what you are doing.  You would never be satisfied with the normal and idyllic way of things.”  Ariaka exchanged a glance with her. Aerenth knew her too well, which caused great relief.
“Now I hate to be the logic that steals away the sparkle from your shining eyes, but it needs to be said.  Ariaka, you are an idiot. You are going to run off to the mainland with some man you have just met a few moons prior and leave a perfectly good marriage to the wayside.” Aerenth exploded, taking Ariaka aback.  She mentally prepared herself for the storm that was brewing in Aerenth’s overprotective mind.
“He could be some murderer who will dump your body by the road as soon as you leave with him.” she pleaded.  Ariaka gazed warmly at her, hearing the concern echoing in her voice.  
“Either way, if death be my fate, I’d rather it be on my way to what I believe to be freedom, than to sit around here and wait to die because of my decision and the cruelty in people’s hearts.  I marked my fate long ago when I first fell out of love with Aiden.  If I stay here, death is what I have to look forward to.  Plus, there is something about the man I met that I innately trust.  Maybe it’s the honesty I see reflected in his eyes, the fact that we seem to think alike.  But I believe he will not lead me to my doom, although I agree, I have the tendency to be too trusting of the wrong people.”
“I know it.  This is why I worry about you.”
“Understandable.” Ariaka looked at her sister, the love for her evident in her face. Tears came to Aerenth’s blue eyes as they began to pour down her face.
“Oh, Ari! I’m going to miss you so terribly much!” she exclaimed, bringing her into a tight embrace.
“Will you ever find your way back home?” Aerenth questioned, hesitation in her voice.
    “Aerenth, I wish I could promise you that I will come back.  But it would be an empty promise I am not sure I could keep.  I do promise that our souls will reunite, whether in another life, or the afterlife.  Some way, we will find each other again, sister.”
“I believe that.” Aerenth’s voice was heavy with tears as the two of them stood there for what seemed like an eternity, sobbing in each other’s arms.  Finally they looked up at each other, their tearstained faces matching.
“Ariaka, my little sister.  You will always be in my thoughts, and while I will not physically be there with you, spiritually I shall always remain there.  In the memories and the words, and the connection we share, my sister, I shall be with you.”
“Likewise, although if memory serves me correctly, I was the one who always came to you.  I don’t think I can ever repay you for that all these years.”
“Ariaka, what are you muttering about?  You’ve had to suffer all those years of my teasing.  Its what elder sisters do.”
“Good job Aerenth, you successfully ruined a lasting moment.” Ariaka glared sarcastically, holding her serious face.  It broke after a few seconds as it crumbled and gave way to laughter as they both continued to the point of near hysterics. Ariaka stopped laughing all of a sudden and managed to compose herself to look somberly at Aerenth.  
“Aerenth, there is no way I can repay you.  So instead, I will follow your wish for me to be happy.  I will make it so that my life is a reflection and product of the love you have raised me with.  You are more of a mother to me than our actual one, and in that I am grateful.”
“There, you got to fit in your little heroic speech, are you happy now?” Ariaka pursed her lips and sheepishly muttered.
“…yeah..”
“Get out of here, go chase your dreams, young one.  Live your life as best you can.”
    They embraced once more, and Aerenth left to the shore to contemplate.  Ariaka did not need to worry about Aerenth telling anyone.  The woman took Ariaka’s confessions and secrets to the grave with her.  Ariaka went inside the hut and began to pack away her belongings.  Nightfall would approach soon, and she wanted to be there if possible before Deuran.  She sat on the thatched floor of their hut, where she kept her belongings in the corner.  Rummaging through, she found her several shirts and skirts she had sewn or were passed down from Aerenth. She grabbed a spare sack they kept potatoes in and began to place her belongings there.  She found her dagger lying in the place she kept it safe, lying buried a little underneath her clothing.  That was her pride and joy that she had saved for when it first was brought to the marketplace.  She had gone and grown her own garden on a patch of wilderness to come up with payment for the dagger.  It had taken several years of hard work in her little patch, but Tenur Dunwarrow was a kind man albeit a businessman.  He saved it aside for her until she had come up with enough payment for it.  The edge was sharp, Ariaka made sure of that.  The metal was keen, the silvery hue almost glowing.  She pulled out the sheath and buckle that came with it and strapped it onto herself.  She gently slid the dagger into the hilt, a simple black leather, but with an ornate knot design branded into the center.  It was surrounded by three small emeralds, which she considered lucky.   She threw several practical things in, such as rope and rations for the many moons ahead of her.  Ariaka finished her packing and tied the bag together as she slung it over her shoulder.  
    Looking out in front of her door, she gazed ahead as the sun coated the land orange, with the summer haze beginning to dissipate for the cool air of night.  From here she could see thousands of memories as they played over and over in her mind.  She saw the marketplace, and several shops, remembering the owners, the characters who lived there, around there, and the times from her youth.  Ariaka began to walk, passing more places in the town as she strode forwards.  With the memories came a sentimentality, although a thrill of a feeling began to rise up in her stomach.  Excitement began to grip her entire being, as the anticipation of freedom and discovery drove the fiery passions that were branded in her mind. She had a purpose and a resolve that echoed through her solid footsteps.  She finally reached the woods, and turned around for a final look at the town.  A sinking feeling entered her stomach, causing mild confusion.  It was not of sadness, but rather foreboding.  Ariaka shook the feeling off and turned to face the woods where only a few nights before she was spirited away to the grove.  What horrible luck it would be if turned out to be some faerie spirit and she would never find him again.  They had a reputation for tricking humans, and she could easily be prey to that.  The doubts began to settle in her stomach and brew.  Her ears perked up however, for she could faintly hear a noise in the near distance.  She focused harder and a sweet strain of a melody could be perceived.  As if willed by some outside force, her feet began to walk towards the music.  It was a light and lyrical sound, but had a tinge of melancholy fund in the aftermath.  Her mind had shut down at this point, as she blindly followed the music.  Ariaka reached the grove to see a figure standing there, covered by the mantle of darkness, playing a silver flute.

    His thin and tall form was accented by the shadows and the melody suddenly stopped as he looked up to see her approach, still leaning on the grand and ancient oak tree.  Moonlight trickled through the oak’s branches and leaves to cascade over their still forms as Ariaka and the man stood at two opposite ends of the grove, neither moving in their standstill.
“So you made it.”  his voice sounded through the grove, gently breaking the silence.  Ariaka snapped out of her trancelike state at this.  
“Deuran?” she questioned in a hushed whisper, afraid to rise her voice beyond that.  He smiled, his eyes glinting in the dark.
“No, I’m the dark one here to take you down to the depths of the abyss.”  Ariaka’s heart raced for a moment with thrills she could feel deep in her spine.
“Ariaka, it is me, Deuran.” he laughed at her response as he asked, “You didn’t believe me, did you?”  Ariaka looked at him ruefully.
“Maybe for a moment.  No more than that though, just a moment.”
“So I take it you are joining us on the voyage back to the mainland?”
“No, I like to bring my belongings with me when I go on walks to trifle with strangers.” Ariaka sarcastically muttered.
    “Now where’s your common sense?  Didn’t your mother ever tell you that it’s a bad idea to go off with random strange people you have just met?”
“Oh, like you?” she countered. Deuran grinned.
“Of course like me!” he responded.  She smiled and they began to laugh.
“So I ended things with Aiden.  I asked him if he wanted to leave, so we could get away from the island finally.  He told me my aspirations and dreams were childish and immature.  It was a funny feeling, something inside of me just snapped. It was then I realized that our faces could intertwine no longer.  I could not understand him at all, so there was no way for it to work.”  Ariaka trailed off.  Deuran appeared thoughtful as he slowly answered.  
“I understand that.  You can care about someone and love them.  But in your case if you truly are searching for a soul mate and adventure, and there is no understanding, it isn’t meant to be.  I don’t mean to speak where I may not understand or be presumptuous.  What I see is that it seems to be something that motivates you and drives you however.  I don’t picture you responding well to people who try to stifle that.” Ariaka nodded her head in response as she gave him a warm glance.
    “Yeah.  That was something he could never see.” she said softly.
“Well milady, are you ready to leave?”
“As ready as I ever will be, good sir.”  They laughed at their mock formality, both of them being simple people, not involved in the higher class situations.   
“So, what is exactly going on with the trade? Was that all wrapped up?” Ariaka questioned as they walked along.
“It was a typical exchange.  We bought some of their wares and likewise.  This time, our men kept throwing hints at the village towards your town actually participating in the war.  It is becoming a larger conflict than usual, to the point where they were considering asking the town to aide us.  Your town trades with anyone from the mainland, and have traded with our enemy in the past.  There is the worry that they may resort to calling in for the town’s help for recruits as well.”  
“Ach.  I’m leaving right as we would have been drawn to the mainland anyway.”
“You wouldn’t be allowed into battle.  Even now you’re going to have to pose as male if you actually want to fight.  Would your husband have even let you accompany him?” Deuran asked.
    “No.  He would have kept me at home out of fear for me getting hurt.  Besides the fact that women fighting is not usually heard of.”  Deuran nodded, following her train of thought.
“But I’m not a child, and I wish he could see me as the person I am.  There was always the intention of ‘I want to keep you safe’, but maybe I want to share in what happens to him.”
“I see where you are coming from to a point.  It seems he is following the idea of not having women in battle.  When I get onto that subject it gets blurry.  I knew one female fighter, and I believe her image will remain in my mind for an eternity, as a picture of valiance.  Sidhuan O’Teele.  She would ride bareback onto battle on her steed.  If I ever get the time, I will tell you her story.  There is one situation that sticks out in my mind that I would not allow anyone to go along with me however.”
“Such as?” Ariaka asked, her interest piqued.
“If it was a case of revenge, that would be my vendetta alone.  However, in battle, I would not be opposed to having my woman at my side.”
“Well, I have to agree with you on the revenge situation.  And the other situation.  That’s pretty interesting.”
“What is?”
“The fact that our thoughts and ideas seem to be really similar.”
“Yeah.  That is kind of amusing.  Now stop slacking, you are lagging behind.”  Ariaka changed her pace to a brisk walk as she attempted to get closer.  She aimed a playful kick at his lef as she caught up.  
“Hey! What was that for?” Deuran exclaimed as he turned around to see Ariaka’s playful grin.  
“I caught up.” she said, a teasing note in her voice.
“So, what does the ship look like? Or are we going to be paddling away on a piece of wood?”
“Do you have a problem with paddling on a piece of wood?” Deuran retorted.
“Not at all, its my favorite pastime!” she said cheerfully, skipping ahead of him.  They moved quickly through the woods which opened up to reveal the shoreline.  At first the underbrush and foliage lessened slightly until there was a gaping hole in the center, as the grass and dirt gradually lapsed to sand.  The moon could be seen through the trees as they framed the roar of the ocean.   Complementary with the moon, the stars twinkled brightly in the heavens above.  The entire tranquility of the scene was enough to stop them in their tracks.”
    “Pretty.  That’s a word to describe it.  However, I don’t think words could really determine the depth of feeling and emotion that comes along with a spectacle like this.  We could consider ourselves wordy, but no one is able to come up with an amazing description when they view something important.  The feeling of awe that accompanies it forbids any forms of grandeur that you may use.  Instead we’re faced with pure simplicity.  A form of humility that disintegrates the barriers of intricate language we hide behind.  So we can gaze forward, unperceiving, in awe of this incomprehensible image.  And the one prominent word that emerges in my mind is pretty.”  Ariaka murmured softly.  Deuran gazed over at her.
“That’s a few more words than pretty.  It kind of contradicts your statement.” Deuran lightly teased, a mocking grin adorning his face.
“I am going to kick you.” Ariaka muttered through gritted teeth as she glared at him.
“Kick me? You couldn’t hurt a fly.” he grinned as Ariaka placed a kick towards his right thigh.
    “Well, my sister has nothing to worry about.  She was concerned about me leaving off to the mainland with some random man.”
“Why does she have nothing to worry about? I could be a murderer.”
“Because it turns out I’m just taking some side trip with a jackass.” she retorted.
“I like this game.”
“I don’t.” Ariaka muttered with another acidic glare in his direction.
“It’s the ‘pick on Ariaka’ game where I’m always the loser.”
“You don’t have to be.  You could always pick on yourself too.” he suggested.
“Wonderful.  So then I’m a lunatic and still losing.”
“Exactly.  My, you’re on fire today aren’t you.  You seemed a lot quieter before.”
“Yeah.  I normally am, most of this usually just goes on in my head.  My performance on retorts leans towards absolutely dismal.”
“Right, so bard or jester you are not.”
    “Nah, I’m not even that much of a fighter for all of my talk.  All I’m good for is thinking and dreaming which in our reality won’t get me anywhere.”  Deuran nodded.
“I’m not much of a fighter myself.  I keep wanting peace in an era that is screaming for war.”
“Peace isn’t all its cracked up to be.  Humans have a definitive evil side, ad when they aren’t warring, they tend to find ways to band together and instead focus their hatred on individuals.  If I stayed in the town any longer, and the people had found out, I would have been put to death for leaving Aiden.”
“I still think that’s a shame that society will force you into marrying someone you did not truly love.” Deuran said sincerely as they trudged down the shoreline together.  The small wavelets came lapping up dangerously close to caressing their feet.  Ahead of them was a large black object in the distance.
“The she is.  The Green Isle, the sturdy vessel which will be carrying us to the mainland of Erainn.”

All my bittersweet memories,
tend to engulf the trembling apathy that remains,
but the fallen valor that lies in the wake,
of a valiant surge of life,
As it finally dies out where will you walk?
Timorous and amorous desires are all that remain,
the hearkening passion for life, surfeit.

Cast:
Trevor Montaine: Fucked up and twisted, brings Marie on a downward spiral.  He can read people so well that he can discern what they try to hide from the world.
Marie Fenweather: innocent and naive, she falls for Trevor, who uses and destroys her

Read the rest of this entry ... (867 words left)

Pretty.  That was a word to describe it.  However no words could really determine the depth of feeling and emotion that came along with the spectacle.  However fanciful and verbose you determined yourself to be, no one spouts tomes when in view of something of importance.  That feeling of awe that accompanies it forbids any forms of grandeur you might entertain.  Instead, you’re faced with the utmost simplicity.  The form of humility that disintegrates the barriers of intricate language you surround yourself in.  The walls are torn down, as you gaze forward, unperceiving, the awe overwhelming.  And you utter a single word.  Pretty.

The incandescent light wavers in the night sky,
You reach out to grasp it, but its inconsistent,
unlike the staid stars in the sky.
The stars are too majestic for us, as we scrape beneath this earth.
We try to live, and are hurt in the process, we fall and we fail.
So to love eternal as a star, the impossibility of imagining,
Maybe grasp to the softer glow, the firefly.
As my love softly flickers, it grows, as it multiplies.
And where there once was a small and unstable firefly,
there now is a sea, the light surrounding me.
And there are times it may waver, it goes out.
But the stronger my love continues to grow,
I still trace it back to that soft quavering glow.

"Its truly the end, leannan, isn't it."
Tiles began to break and crumble, and surrounding was darkness, and pure chaos.  The one thing to offset it was his deep brown eyes.  A warm hand latched onto her frail and trembling one with a viselike grip.  He knew better than anyone, if he let go now, all was lost.  Her blue eyes trembled like a trepidatious wave crawling cautiously to the farther reaches of the shore.  However, once their eyes locked, the waves of pure emotion swept through, and once again, they had something to lean on, amidst the surrounding chaos.  With a blinding flash, the scene ended, the blue moon glistening gently in the distance.

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A drop of sweat slowly trickled down her stomach,
the tingling sensation arising a further flush to her face.
The quixotic sway of the hips sashaying like a snake,
was enough to throw her into further ecstasy.

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I have this longing to be by the sea.  Not during the traffic, when the light shines hazily across the sands.  Not in the burning and crazy fervor of mid-day.  But in the quiet twilight, where I can unite with the lonely stars in the heavens above.  Where the moonlight will shine its solitary beams unto the muted crashing roar of the sea. That sense of oneness to the night is somewhat ironic.  I am in my prime of life then, the excitement and the edge of that intoxicating mystery.  So in the blue night I lay on the shore, the lighting coloring my skin starch white.  A stark differential, I succumb to the cool tender wavelets as they reach the shore, mixing my body with sheer relief.  The bittersweet wind wraps my body around, as the hazy image of your solid gait flickers like a will o the wisp.

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So radiance perceived, that beacon in the night.
Your moon dappled beams cast light unto my heart.
Way-laid by the traveler, barely touched, and yearning to be set free,
I opened my arms in an attempt to grasp the concept. 

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The maze I'm wandering is not so easily perceived,
My mind, it constantly betrays me.
Honesty and empathy, you look aghast,
But they're neighbors in our small town.

Awkward hesitation has a semblance on my soul,
It seems the more I try, I waver, this usually unfolds.
A recollection from the dust, I piece my words too late,
Or too soon depending on the view, I can not bear the wait.

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